Has your anxiety become so normalised that you no longer see it?
How would you describe the impact anxiety has on you? Do you feel frazzled and nervous to the point that you can’t sit still? Or filled with chronic worry that leads to catastrophising? Or perhaps for you it shows up as a silent gnawing and unsettledness that is nearly always there, knocking your confidence and leaving you feeling tired and overwhelmed.
We are living in a world that increasingly induces anxiety. Since COVID, Mental Health UK estimates that over 8 million people in the UK are experiencing an anxiety disorder at any one time. And, this doesn’t begin to count the number of people who are coping, and perhaps to the outside world, doing well, yet inside that’s not how they feel.
There is so much pressure to do well, to show up as worthy, while juggling the demands of being a good partner, perhaps parenting, supporting family elders, and trying to squeeze in a social life. When you add in the impact of bad news, like global unrest and economic uncertainty, increased pollution, climate change, and the 24/7 digital world that never switches off, plus job and money fears, it’s not surprising that we all have a degree of anxiety in our lives.
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS GOOD ANXIETY?
Like all emotions, there are different intensities and qualities of that emotional state. I describe them as quiet and loud. The former is easy to brush over; the latter is impossible to ignore. Both forms can have a detrimental impact on our health and well-being when they become a constant in our lives. And yet, a quiet anxiety that arises from a period of calm contentedness increases our ability to focus and get things done. It can help you meet deadlines, complete plans, or ready yourself for a big event. And when these are completed, then any remaining anxiety needs to be released by taking a rest or partaking in something pleasant or fun to do. But we rarely do this—because society believes that any time out is a weakness. Yet the restorative power of good sleep and fun would enable us to be far more productive than if we keep slogging forward.
RECOGNISING THE IMPACT OF LOUD ANXIETY
Anxiety in its loud, shouty form triggers the fight-or-flight response, which is designed to keep us safe. It provides a boost of adrenaline, which allows us to get things done, see things more clearly, and react faster. It also increases cortisol levels in our bloodstream, makes our breathing shallower, and increases our heart rate to provide the energy we need in these moments. It might sound like a good thing to be happening—having more energy and quicker reactions—but this bodily response was designed only to be temporary. After the danger has passed, again, what is needed is rest and some fun. But again, societal expectations, in our increasingly fast digital world, doesn’t recognise the human need for restoration after a period of intensity.
QUICK QUIZ
If stress in life constantly triggers the fight-or-flight response, it will lead to burnout. Signs to watch out for are an increased dependence on stimulants like caffeine and sugar to keep going, and then alcohol, tobacco and even weed to wind down. This quick quiz, originally designed for Executive Burnout, will reveal how you are doing (no matter whether you are an executive or not) with stress and loud anxiety.
THE PERFECTIONIST MASK THAT HIDES ANXIETY
I believe most of us are living with a constant, quiet level of anxiety. It’s a silent pandemic that stretches way beyond our personal lives. A huge driver of this is the need to show up as good, perfect, or as having everything organised. It’s living life with your Perfectionist Mask firmly in place. It allows you to get things done, but the cost is high. This mask, if worn every day, shows others that you are capable, able to tackle high-intensity situations and juggle many balls at the same time. Yet, hidden inside is a fear of getting it wrong, letting people down, or making a big mistake. This creates a vicious circle of imposter syndrome that is hard to step away from, because even the idea of not being good enough pushes you to complete the next Herculean task.
THE NITTY GRITTY OF WHY WE EXPERIENCE ANXIETY
Anxiety is a fear emotion which is deeply woven into your intuition. All fear emotions are there to keep you safe. The intensity of anxiety correlates with the level of danger you are in. Very quiet anxiety shows up as unease and caution—it’s there to make you wary without there being an immediate threat. As anxiety levels rise, it’s felt as being fearful, worried or jumpy. Anxiety is now wanting you to move away from what it perceives as a threat. As it gets louder still, anxiety leads us to feel frightened and scared. This is the very real sense that you need to get out of there or be ready to fight your way out. In its highest form, anxiety can veer into terror and panic, switching the brain from the logical to the much faster instinctive reactions, yet this can perversely lead to a freeze state too.
For many people, quiet anxiety is not consciously recognised as a fear. Rather, you might wish for your exhaustion, overwhelm and maybe even dread to go away. This is understandable—no one wants to feel like this. It helps, though, to go deeper. Take a 5-minute time-out for your day, then write what might be causing these feelings. Don’t dismiss what pops into your mind. Just note everything down. Keep pushing the question of where the uneasiness arises from. Then, when you can think of nothing else, what do you notice now that it’s in black and white? If I gave you a magic wand, what on your list would you magic away? Take a breath. Now, what could you actually do today to take one step that would help you to feel better and lighter about these things in your life?
WHO IS REALLY JUDGING YOU?
It’s so easy to beat ourselves up when we believe that we have failed or not done enough. Who, though, is judging you? Whose voice is it—a parent, a teacher, or someone you’ve always tried to please? Or are you comparing yourself to family members or friends—who, to you, seem like they have it all together?
In these moments, know, deeply know, that NO ONE is perfect. There isn’t a single human being among the 8 billion of us living on this planet who hasn’t made some HUGE mistakes. In everyone’s life, there are things we have all done, said or allowed to happen that we knew were wrong, or at the very least not ideal. In these moments, we covered up, hid away and hoped no one would notice. Deep down, you know this to be true. So, when things look bleak or aren’t going well, allow yourself some self-love and compassion. Despite everything going on for you—you are OK. You, me, everyone is a magnificent work in progress. With this in mind, any imperfections you perceive in yourself can be reframed as lessons learned. After what happened, you can now choose a new path. And you can take as many new paths as you need. One day, you will find the path and way of being in life that suits you perfectly.
IT’S CLICHÉ, BUT LAUGHTER HELPS
When I’m working with my clients and they are feeling anxious, stressed, or down, I often bring humour into our conversations or into EFT Tapping. NOT to what happened to you—that is sacred—but if you can see a funnier or more incongruous side to the aftermath, this is healing. When we smile or laugh, it not only lightens our mood but also triggers chemical changes in our bodies that are a powerful antidote to anxiety. It’s akin to switching off the alarm bells for a moment to rebalance the sense of inner peace.
So, what makes you laugh out loud? Do you have a favourite comic? A favourite sketch to rewatch on YouTube, or a social media feed that tickles your funny bone? Bookmark them – and tune in regularly. It’s not a waste of time, these help you to feel better. Even if it’s just for a minute or two, laughing and connecting to the joy of life can reveal a different way to tackle what’s going on for you.
NEED A HELPING HAND?
We all need a helping hand sometimes. From me, there is never judgment. You are a unique being. What is upsetting, worrying, and matters to you might be brushed off as nothing to another. Yet in another situation, the roles could easily be reversed. Over the last twenty years, I have listened to thousands of people, working with them to heal, feel better and find their balance in life. If you are struggling, I’d be honoured to help you, too. Book a free 30-minute Zoom call. Let’s explore how you can feel better.
