It sounds so innocent. It sounds polite, and it’s what you are supposed to say when you are trying to lose weight. Right?

Yet saying, ‘I’m being good’ usually backfires. Not initially, perhaps, but further down the line, it’s more likely to lead to weight gain rather than the hoped-for weight loss.

How can this be true? 

Most often, the phrase “No thank you, I’m being good” is in response to declining something yummy, like when a friend, colleague or family member offers you a piece of cake, chocolates, a biscuit or a bowl of salty snacks. And if you work within a large team, the number of birthdays and leaving parties means this is a frequent occurrence. And if you add in personal birthdays, holidays, weddings, and family get-togethers, a week rarely goes by without treats being offered.

Turning down something yummy typically brings up a host of emotions. Perhaps you recognise some of these:

• Pride for having had the willpower to say no.
• A tinge of sadness because the treat was so tempting.
• Guilt about upsetting or offending the person who offered the treat,
• A twinge of envy: why do others eat whatever they want and not gain weight?
• And perhaps a smidgen of anger – why is it so hard to lose weight?!

In the beginning, the strategy of being good, seems to work

Most of my clients, and me when I was younger, have travelled down the path of being good. Typically, it starts when a particular number on the bathroom scales evokes sadness, frustration, or shame, and with it, a renewed determination to lose weight. 

So, you embark on the latest diet with new vigour and with it, an unspoken promise to yourself that this time you will be good. You won’t be tempted. You will stick to the regime.

And in the beginning, weight loss nearly always occurs. But, perhaps surprisingly, this is not because one diet is better than another. Initial weight loss when you start any diet is mostly down to the big change you have made in what and when you eat. You have shaken up your digestive system from its usual pattern, and you are more aware of what you are popping into your mouth. But all structured diets fail in the long run because no one can stick to them. But because you have told others or yourself that weight loss requires you to be good, your subconscious associates this with weight loss. Yet this simply isn’t true.

When being good flies out of the window

When you are on a diet, at the end of one day—a day when you feel stressed, frazzled, or so very tired—even the idea of preparing or cooking something healthy feels like it’s too much. So, you find yourself ordering a takeaway, reaching for the tin of biscuits you hid at the back of a cupboard, or finding a microwave-ready meal at the bottom of your freezer.

And this forbidden food tastes soooo good. After denying yourself such foods, your taste buds remember the sweet or salty taste, and there is an instant hit of dopamine in your brain. This neurotransmitter fills your senses with pleasure, overriding any conscious thoughts about healthy eating. At this point, it is almost impossible to stop the desire to eat more and more of this yummy food.

At some point later, shame and sadness rise along with the thought that you have failed again. With a huge sigh, you think, “What is the point of it all?” Maybe you just have to accept your bigger body. Yet, there is a way to lose weight and keep it off.

First steps for more natural weight loss

When you are following a diet, you are asked to stop eating foods that you love and are encouraged to eat others that you don’t much like—or even hate. Some of this makes sense because most people don’t eat enough fruit and vegetables, and many packaged foods contain added sugar, emulsifiers, and a plethora of other additives that make weight loss difficult. BUT, enjoying what you eat is also very important. Without a doubt, feeling deprived will lead to cravings, and at some point you will crack. This has NOTHING to do with a lack of willpower or being a failure. It’s a natural, biological response to the desire to eat foods that your body both needs and desires.

Losing weight naturally has to include some unhealthy food choices. Not much, of course, but some, so you don’t sabotage your efforts. The secret is to find a balance. More of what you eat needs to be fresh, homemade, and made with natural ingredients. When possible, choose meat labelled ‘grass-fed’ and put more organic foods into your shopping basket. But I know this isn’t always possible due to the higher prices and availability. I also think locally produced food, even without an organic label, may well be better than organic food from Peru, Kenya, or any place so far away from the UK. However, even buying some organic produce will lessen the load of chemicals (especially pesticides) that your body has to process.

What is a good ratio for healthy food and less healthy foods?

What is the balance? Or what is the amount I can get away with and still lose weight (!!), or maintain the weight I have reached?

There isn’t an exact formula because your body is unique, and that would take you back into diet mentality. Most people can maintain their current weight by adopting the idea of 80:20. To lose weight, it might be 90:10. But for some people, 70:30 still leads to weight loss.

What does an 80:20 ratio look like? It means that eighty per cent of what you eat is fresh and minimally processed, and the remaining 20 per cent can be anything you fancy, including chips, ice cream, or even a takeaway. It takes time to adapt to this way of eating, and some detective work about how your body reacts and responds to certain foods, but once you have figured it out, by natural instinct, not rigid rules, it is easy to lose weight and then maintain your desired weight.

I help people on the Eat Well–Be Well Program figure out what works for them, but you can begin this process simply by using a system called ‘Crowding Out’. The more wholesome you eat, the less space (physically and mentally) there is for junk food.

What to say when offered a treat that you don’t want to eat?

Still say “No, thank you”, but you don’t need to explain or give the excuse of “I’m being good”. This might seem like semantics, but the part of your brain that is connected to emotionally learnt behaviour is not logical or rational. Instead, it mostly operates on what worked best in previous, similar situations. This is what essentially makes us ‘creatures of habit’. If we want to change old habits, we have to use another part of the brain that consciously chooses what we say and do. When you drop the “I’m being good” you begin to change the evidence that your brain uses. And what begins with this is choice.

From a place of choice and freedom, you get to choose. So, when offered a treat, do you want to eat it? Can it be part of your 20 per cent? Can you ask for a smaller portion? Or do you genuinely not want it? A choice means you are not trying to resist this with willpower. It means that sometimes you will say, “yes” and sometimes “no”.

Your body is not a machine

Some days, your body needs more energy compared to other days, and sometimes it needs more vitamins and minerals. When this happens, you will have cravings for more food than usual, or for foods your body knows contain these nutrients. So, if a day comes when you feel hungry all day, or your cravings for sweet foods are skyrocketing, it might be because your body needs more energy. At the end of such a day, please don’t beat yourself up. What you eat on one day doesn’t matter. It’s what you eat most of the time that counts. So forgive yourself if you felt these cravings took hold of you and you overate. Please consider whether there was an emotional trigger as well. Then, rather than giving up and feeling like a failure, see it as just one day you ate more, and maybe your body needed it.

Three other quick tips to handle treat moments

ONE: If you know there is an office gathering or party up and coming, make sure you are not hungry immediately before the event by having a meal or snack with a good amount of protein. Feeling full makes saying “no” much easier.

TWO: If it’s a friend’s or family event, consider offering to take a home made fresh fruit salad, a plate of tropical fruits, or a sweet treat that you have made using natural foods.

THREE: Decide before you go what you want and don’t want to eat (or drink). This helps you not be put-on-the-spot when someone offers you a treat.

The Eat Well–Be Well Program 

The Eat Well–Be Well Program is 12 weeks of personalised one-to-one coaching to help you lose between 14–28 lbs (6.5–13 kilos). During the 14 x 50-minute sessions, you will lose weight and, importantly, learn how to keep it off. The program weaves together weight-loss coaching, emotional healing (using EFT Tapping Therapy), and naturopathic nutrition. 

BOOK A FREE 30-MINUTE ZOOM CALL to have a chat about where you are stuck and how the program can personally help you to succeed.