Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony—Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi’s words are wise—but thoughts in our heads, words that tumble out of our mouths and what we do—are frequently at odds with one another. This doesn’t necessarily mean we are unhappy, but it makes achieving our goals far more challenging. Why? Because if we say one thing but believe something entirely different, our beliefs usually win the day. And our thoughts are primarily driven by what we believe.

A good example is the widespread desire to lose weight. Just now, many people, including me, want to lose the excess pounds gained over Christmas. In this case, people say they want to be slimmer, fitter and healthier—which is good. Yet often, this desire is countered with other words thoughts littered with negative beliefs, such as;

• I only have to look at a cake, and I put on 2 pounds.
• No matter how much I try, I can’t lose weight.
• I can’t lose weight because I have no willpower. 
• My body holds on to fat—it doesn’t ever want to let it go.

And this, of course, doesn’t just apply to weight loss. Getting a job promotion when you believe others are better than you—might not help. Nor desiring to find a soulmate, yet thinking that no one will like you. And so on. 

To make our dreams and goals a reality, we need to catch what we say and pay attention to our inner dialogue. Doing this highlights any disparities between our desires and our beliefs. Seeing this, we can begin to tweak our subconscious programming so it helps us rather than hinders our progress. 

OUR SUBCONSCIOUS 

The analytical conscious mind is no match for the power of the subconscious. The latter determines how the majority of our life pans out—as hard as that can be to believe! Our subconscious processes information about what is happening in our body and our environment at lightning speed. From its gathered information, it instantly reacts to threats—real or perceived—regulates our bodily systems, makes our body move if we need to stay safe, and helps us do and say things with little conscious effort. However, despite its impressive power, it can’t think or analyse and doesn’t have a sense of the past or the future. Instead, it operates in a state of ‘is-ness’. As this works perfectly—most of the time—we rarely, consciously, consider how much our lives are run by our subconscious.

Take, for example, our subconscious reactions if we are afraid of spiders. Fears like this often arise in childhood, often from an unexpected close encounter with an eight-legged beastie. If other people react fearfully at the sight of the spider, the child will mimic their fight-and-flight response, triggering a host of biological changes. This includes a faster heartbeat, eyes opening wide, a fear-cry, and the body moving away from the threat. Having now ‘learnt’ that spiders are scary, future encounters typically lead to a re-enactment of the first response. Repeated over time, the subconscious accumulates a weight of evidence that spiders are a threat and will now always be treated as such. 

The conscious knowledge that spiders in the UK are not dangerous cannot easily override the subconscious programming. Notice that in this case and in others, subconscious evidence may not be true and may not be helpful for us today.

WHO IS IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT?

If you are an experienced driver, when you wish to overtake, you don’t consciously think—mirror, signal, manoeuvre—although, most likely, this is exactly what you do. When you learnt to drive, to keep you safe, your driving instructor drummed this sequence of actions into your head. After endless repetitions, these actions became part of your subconscious programming to help you drive. Now, you no longer need to think about it because it works so well. 

When I’m driving, my conscious mind frequently listens to music or an audible book, or I’m considering what to do next or contemplating an issue relating to my work. Meanwhile, I am driving perfectly well because, as scary as it is to admit it, my subconscious is doing the vast majority of the driving.

HOW DO WE CHANGE OUR PROGRAMMING?

Most of our subconscious programming serves us very well. Besides, there is no way we could rewrite its millions of programs. However, we can tweak things and feed new information and ideas into the subconscious with our words. With determination and repetition, we can give the subconscious new, accumulative evidence. At a tipping point, when the new outweighs the old, the subconscious rapidly rewrites its programs. It never hangs on what it has come to perceive that we no longer need.

WISE WORDS

More wise words from Mahatma Gandhi: he beautifully summed up how thoughts, words and beliefs influence our lives. 

Your beliefs become your thoughts.
Your thoughts become your words.
Your words become your actions.
Your actions become your habits.
Your habits become your values.
Your values become your destiny.

More bluntly, Henry Ford said: 
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way, you are right.”

PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT WE SAY

What we say to others and the narrative of our inner dialogue is a mixture of conscious intent and subconscious repetitions of what we have said before. Some phrases are so off-pat that no conscious thought is given to them. For example, when asked, How are you? Nine times out of ten, in automatic pilot mode, you’ll answer, I’m fantastic! I’m good. I’m fine. I’m well, I’m OK, or I’m not bad. We don’t think about these words, but now they are highlighted here, and your conscious mind is engaged, do you notice how differently they land? These few words say a lot about us. Now, consider how often you might say other words that unwittingly reveal what you believe and, therefore, influence your chances of success. 

FOUR WORDS TO ELIMINATE FROM YOUR CONVERSATIONS

It is impossible to consciously monitor every word we utter or think about. Yet, we can make a significant difference to the outcome of our desires by substituting some words for better alternatives. 

In the next few days, pay attention to how often your replies include the words; try, should, ought and hope. Now, imagine a friend telling you about their goals using phrases like these;

• I’m trying to lose weight.
• I should stop smoking.
• I ought to eat more vegetables.
• I hope to get fit.

Do you believe they are fully committed to their goals? No! These are ‘get-out-of-jail-free-words’. On the surface these phrases sound positive, but the reality of them helping you to succeed is slim. Here’s why… 

The phrase, ‘I’m trying to lose weight’ allows your subconscious to simply go-along with the status quo because it does not challenge negative beliefs. Contrast this with the phrase, ‘I choose to lose weight’ which doesn’t allow for any wriggle room. The word ‘choose‘ requires action, which is more likely to lead to success. Even if there are hurdles, ‘choose’ can provide the strength and persistence to overcome any difficulties in losing weight or whatever your goal is.

If you catch yourself saying, ‘I should…’, know this is not your belief or a genuine desire. In this context, the word ‘should’ is the view of someone else. Likewise, sentences containing, ‘I ought…’ are not your view; rather, it is what you think society perceives as the correct course of action. If you regularly use these words, ask yourself what you really want? Is it OK to choose a different path from what others expect of you?

The word ‘hope’ has grace when we use it to express a desire for someone or something to get better. But when we use it for ourselves, this is a weak option for any desired outcome. ‘I hope to…’ denotes a sense of hopelessness about achieving your goal. If you catch yourself using ‘hope’ in defining a goal, what do you feel can’t be overcome? And what is your deeper belief, which indicates it is a hopeless case? 

POWERFUL PHRASES TO SUPERCHARGE YOUR SUCCESS

• I choose to… 
• I am…
• I will… (although to the subconscious, the future tense has less power)

No matter what your dream or goal is, state it boldly with I choose… or I am… as this will change your beliefs, then your thoughts and finally, the desired outcome. With these words, both your subconscious and conscious mind can begin to work on the ‘how’ to turn these expressions into a reality.

Ready to change some of your words?